


Between Hell and Earth

by Piper_Halliwell1979



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel, Angst, BAMF Cas, Dean in Hell, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Guardian Angel Castiel, Internal homophobia, M/M, Memory Loss, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, The time between hell and lazarus rising
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-24 17:09:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7516360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Halliwell1979/pseuds/Piper_Halliwell1979
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes a lot out of Castiel to pull Dean's soul from Hell. He must recharge his grace before he can begin to rebuild Dean's vessel. They spend their time between dimensions as friends and eventual lovers. But when it's time for Dean to go back, all of that time was just a split second of his reality and all of his memories of Cas are lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Between Hell and Earth

A bright bluish white beacon shone through the swirls of black and red. Flames licked and singed the ebony wings of the angel as he fought his way to the light. He had been flanked by his breathren but one by one they fell. By the time he found his charge, the Righteous Man, he was nearly alone on the mission.

He still had time. The soul had started to turn but he could still sense the pain and torment of inside it. It was still beautiful, as his Father had intended. The corruption of servitude in Hell had a grip on him but the angel, the warrior, Castiel would grip him tighter to raise him from Perdition. 

Castiel left the man's intended victim on the rack. He felt no remorse. The soul had been corrupted far past the 2point of redemption. He suspected it would be the next to turn to full demon. How his charge had managed to keep his innocence for ten years was beyond Castiel. Humans were weak. They couldn't tolerate pain. It's how so many came to deal with demons or succumb to darkness on their own.

The last angel was felled before Castiel could escape with his charge. He was too close to completing this part of his mission to fail now. There was no time to mourn his brothers. They were soldiers. They were expected to fight to the end and die honorably. Castiel knew there was only one solution. He pulled the brilliant soul into himself, painfully filling his chest. 

It was trying to claw itself out and demons tried to claw their way in. He ignored the pain. He could heal. It would take a longer time but once he was safe on the celestial plane he had his charge would be left alone to rebuild and repair. Castiel beat his wings and surged forward the last but of distance.

They were free and in the light. Castiel collapsed by the stream he landed near. He was exhausted and he was sore and heavy. His wings trembled from the overuse of his muscles. He steadied himself on hands and knees enough to crawl into the water, rinsing the brimstone from his singed feathers. He steeled himself for what he had to do next. 

The pain. Oh the pain was blinding, searing. He had to reach inside to pull out the soul that cleaved onto his grace. It was frightened. His light and warmth its only comfort. It would be nearly feral on his plane without a vessel to return to. Castiel held tight to the soul once it was free of him and willed it to show him its former self. They could at least communicate whilst the angel healed enough to begin the restoration.

Dean Winchester found himself standing naked in water and not being able to feel it. There was an equally nude man before him with a hand clamped firmly on his left shoulder. Huge black wings were beaded with water and glistening in the sun. He found himself paralyzed, mesmerized.

"What are you?" He asked. He didn't know if his lips had moved or not or if he'd made a sound.

"I am an angel of the Lord."

"An angel? Why did you pull me out? I have to go back! I cheat my deal and they come after Sammy. You have to put me back in."

"I'm afraid my Father has other plans for you. I was sent to bring you back and you will be in my care for quite some time. I must build a vessel for your soul. I am afraid this mission has weakened me." He gestured to his visible injuries.

"Are we in Heaven? Is this like, your Heaven?"

The dark haired man squinted his icy blue eyes and tilted his head, studying Dean. "We are on earth but not on the same plane of existence you once occupied. I have observed humans for many years from here without allowing my presence to be known."

"I still don't understand why I was chosen. All those souls down there..." 

"You are the Righteous Man. You fulfill a prophecy. You and your brother. I do not know the details but it is of great import. Many of my brethren fell so that you could be saved."

"I don't deserve to be saved." Dean turned away. If anyone deserved to be saved it was Sam. The powers that be should have protected Sam and never allowed him to die. 

Castiel reached for him again. "I would have died for you and I don't even know who you are. If you are so loved by my Father then you are loved by me."

Dean kept his eyes cast down. "You wouldn't love me if you knew me, pal."

"Castiel. My name is Castiel."

"Dean. Dean Winchester."

"Well then, Dean. In the time we will be spending together I shall get to know you. After such time I will likely confirm my initial statement."

"We'll see, Cas. We'll see."

**

For a while it was their own Eden. Neither needed sleep nor sustinance. Dean complained about the nudity at first but soon realized it was just the two of them and accepted it. He was obsessed with Castiel's wings, though. He always wanted to touch them but Cas shied away. He was ashamed of them. They were odd with their dark hue and were still damaged from the fire. He was itchy and uncomfortable from the healing and the upcoming molt.

"Cas, something's been bothering me. How is it that I can feel you and touch you but nothing else?" Dean asked as Cas preened his feathers.

"We have a profound bond, Dean. When I pulled you up the safest way to escape was to anchor your soul to my grace. There will aways be a small piece of you with me and my grace with your soul. I will hear your prayers and come to you in times of distress or need."

"So you're like my guardian angel?"

"I suppose so, Dean."

Dean seated himself beside the angel and watched him with utter fascination. He was still convinced somebody was getting fired for giving Dean Winchester an angel. He was a functional alcoholic, he'd slept with so many people he'd lost count, and he let down the people he loved. He was a killer. Men, monsters...damned souls. He shouldn't be sitting on the embankment with a beautiful creature who stubbornly insisted he loved him.

"Those are incredible, Cas. I don't know what your hang up is over me touching them. You can't even reach some of them by yourself. Let me help you," Dean pleaded.

Cas tucked in his wings as he instinctively did when Dean mentioned them. He was correct, though. He was in need of a good scratch and he had no one else. He heaved a sigh and acquiesced. "You may assist me."

Dean's face lit up. He excitedly moved around to Castiel's back. "Where do I start? Straighten out the crossed ones? Cull out the loose ones?"

"If you could scratch near my joints and out first it would give me quite a bit of relief."

Dean set about his task dilligently. He made gentle passes at the skin where the wings were connected then gradually got more aggressive. Cas' muscles rippled under his touch. Dean sucked in his imaginary breath to steady his nerves and dug into the soft down he'd craved burying his fingers into. Cas gave a full on shudder that time.

Dean was practically kneading into the feathers. He tried to scratch, comb, and straighten as he worked his way out. Cas seemed to relax to the point that he was...humming? Moaning? Purring? Dean smiled, content that he was giving his angel friend some kind of relief and possible pleasure.

"Dude, are you seriously purring? Like a cat or something?"

Cas was startled out of his momentary bliss. "Sorry. I was unaware."

"Don't be. Means I must be doing something right if you're making happy noises. If you spread 'em for me I can really get in there." He winked at his double entendre. It would be lost on Castiel but he wasn't losing his edge. Cas did extend his wings for Dean but he refused to purr for him again.

***

"I am healed enough to concentrate on your vessel, Dean." Cas announced. 

"How long will that take?"

"I have no realistic estimate of time as I have never performed such an act before. However, I find I am inclined to ask you for your permission for something first."

"Go on." Dean knit his brow together, confused.

"I will be able to see everything when I rebuild you. I will see your memories, the good and the difficult. I will know you very intimately. If you are uncomfortable with this I can pray for my Father to restore you and recuse myself."

It did make Dean feel uncomfortable. There were pieces of him he spent a lifetime burying. There were memories he couldn't bear reliving. But Cas was an angel. He'd heard the prayers of the desperate and fallen. There were people who'd gone through similar things. Cas wouldn't judge him. But the pity...would Cas feel sorry for him? 

He debated back and forth. Obviously Cas would respect his need to mull it over. It wasn't a snap decision. He wanted his body back. He wanted his Sammy back. But it was so easy just being in between worlds where he was never hungry, cold, or lonely. Whether he accepted it yet or not, he was aware of Cas' affection for him. He wasn't sure he could handle Cas looking at him differently. 

"It's all or nothing isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Then I would rather you see all that than someone else. You're my friend, Cas. I trust you. Just...you're gonna see some bad stuff. Really bad stuff and I don't know if I can handle you feeling sorry for me."

"Dean, I am honored you consider me your friend. I assure you that your past will not change my love for you."

"Then let's do this."

***

It was kind of nice to see his mother again, to hear her soothing voice singing to him. Dean had clung to wisps of memories of her but they were vivid images when Cas opened them up. He could see what his father looked like with a smile. Then he had to relive every moment of the night their lives took a darker path. Cas offered a sympathetic hand on Dean's shoulder as the tears fell.

Dean flinched at the scene of the first time his father struck him in anger. He was frightened and embarassed, both then and now. Cas told him it was enough and that they could stop but Dean shook it off. It was twenty years ago. His father was long gone and couldn't hurt him anymore. It was no more than a synapse in the brain Cas was rebuilding.

Most of the next memories were fine. There were more violent outbursts from John Winchester but by those points in Dean's life he was able to steel himself to it. He would rather take it all on himself, take any blame whether it was Sam's fault or no one's, than see his baby brother go through the same thing. He spared Sam a lot of pain and he wished he could have spared him the hunting life altogether.

He knew what was coming next. The one he tried to drown in a river of alcohol. The one that caused him to nearly overdose on pills. The one he was sure only two living beings and maybe God, if he really existed, knew about. Cas sensed that it was painful so he took Dean's hand in his and held it tight as they watched a barely legal Dean be assaulted in an alley after hustling pool. The man spat on him and tossed a few bills down, telling Dean it was worth the ride. 

"Cas, I think we have to stop for a little while," Dean barely whispered. He couldn't meet the angel's eyes but he didn't shrink from the embrace he was pulled into or the warmth of wings encircling him. He let the dam break to sob on Castiel's shoulder.

"You are safe here, Dean. The ones who have harmed you are gone and you have me to watch over you." Cas pressed his lips to Dean's forehead.

Dean sniffled. The shame of what happened would always be a scar on his soul. He knew it wasn't his fault. He had dragged his young, broken body to the nearest ER and gave them a false name. He filed the police report and fled after he got his pain meds. He laid low for a couple days before finally returning to the hotel room he shared with Sam and their father. He'd braced himself for another beating but John took pity on him. He bought the line Dean gave him about a pool hall brawl and him waking up in a hospital as a John Doe. He was handed a bottle of cheap whiskey and told they would pack up and roll out the next day. 

Cas held him for what could have been an eternity. Dean wished he'd had that kind of comfort at any time in his life besides his mother's arms as a baby.

***

It took a lot out of Cas as well to rebuild Dean. He had to take several days between sessions to just feel the sun, rest, and talk Dean through what they experienced together. Dean found it rather amusing that Cas couldn't see anything to be embarassed about when Rhonda Hurley had him model her pink satin panties. He also laughed his way through explaining what a "kink" was to humans. 

Then his next bad memory was up. He was maybe twenty. He'd been out on a solo hunt and decided to celebrate by passing off his well worn fake ID at some dive bar. He was looking to pick up a girl for a few minutes of fun when a guy not much older than him sat beside him. They flirted a bit. Dean was drunk enough to think he could go through with a romp with a man.

He wound up in the back seat of the guy's car making out and getting hot and heavy but he freaked out when the guy palmed his dick through his jeans. He was overwhelmed with fear but his fight or flight response almost always landed on fight. He freaked out and beat the poor guy unconscious before running away a few blocks. He was down on his knees puking his guts out next to some trash cans. He felt instant remorse for what he'd done but it was too late to take it back. He grabbed his duffle from his hotel room that night and fled. 

"That's why I don't deserve your love, Cas. I'm a monster. He was an innocent guy looking for a little fun and I could have killed him. I could have just told him to stop and walked away. I could have turned him down at the bar. I don't know whatever happened to him or if he was okay..."

"Dean, I saw your remorse. If you were a monster it would not have had such a profound effect on you. I have not waivered. I still love you." Cas reached out for him. This time Dean pulled away.

"How? How can something so perfect, so beautiful, love me? You see the millions of pieces. I'm broken. I'm not worth fixing. Everybody is better off without me."

"No. I do not accept that. If anything I love you more for seeing this side of you. You have opened yourself up to me, trusted me, and I have come to love you, Dean. Not my charge, not my Father's creation, you. One single human. One human soul out of billions past and present."

Cas flew to his side and wrapped them in his wings again. He shut the world out away from them and made Dean focus solely on the two of them. He placed his hands on Dean's face and gently brought it to his own. He tentatively placed a chaste kiss on his lips before pulling away to look in the sad, emerald eyes.

"Cas?" Dean stood in disbelief. An angel, a divine creature, was in love with him. Him, Dean Winchester.

"I apologize, Dean. I meant to offer you affection but if I have offended..."

Dean cut him off with a kiss of his own. No tongue, but less innocent than the one he'd been given. He pulled back in disbelief of what he'd just done.

"I shouldn't have done that. You're an angel. See? I just corrupt everything I touch."

"I am not corrupted by your touch, Dean. I initiated this. I have seen the tenderness you are capable of and I feel your yearning to be treated the same. I wish to give that to you."

"Cas..."

"I love you Dean. Do you love me?"

The lump rose in his throat and the tears stung Dean's eyes. "Yes. Yes, I love you. But that doesn't end well for anybody I've ever said it to."

Cas moved in and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist. He kissed him again. "We won't end, Dean. What we share, our profound bond, no matter what happens we will always end up together. So please, let me give you one beautiful memory of a man's touch. Well...what you see as a man."

Dean yielded to his touch. He knew they were really nothing more than energy and light caught between two realities. He knew the supple lips pressed to his and the tongue sliding and swirling in his mouth wasn't real but he wanted it so badly. He closed his eyes and kissed back. He was choosing to believe it was all real.

He wasn't sure when or how he wound up on his back, looking up at the angel and being sheltered by his massive wings. He felt the weight and warmth of a body pressed to his. "Cas, you don't have to do this." His voice was barely above a whisper. He didn't want this to stop but he had to offer the angel an out. Castiel wasn't taking it. He just caressed Dean's face and placed tender kisses along his jaw and neck.

"Believe in what you feel, Dean. There is nothing but love between us, flowing through our essences. Will you let me inside you, Dean? Will you let my grace into your soul?"

"Yes, Cas. I want you to be a part of me. Want to feel you everywhere." He pulled Cas flush to him. He saw bright blue flashes of light and felt tendrils of heat run through him, branching through and melding the two entities. He tried to concentrate on how it felt between his legs, the intense but pleasurable heat working inside him. There was no pain, only bliss as he gave himself completely to his divine lover.

The concept of time had never been clear in their tiny slice of the universe. They could have been entangled in their tantric lovemaking for hours. Dean didn't want it to end. But Cas could only use his grace like that for so long before he required rest again. He willed himself to finally achieve his spiritual orgasm so Cas could be free. They reluctantly parted but stayed cuddled together.

***

"It's almost time, my love. Your vessel is nearly complete and you will return to the mortal realm." There was a bit of sadness in Castiel's voice.

"What happens when I go back? Am I human? Will you be there with me?" For the first time Dean was actually afraid of leaving. He had found love with his angel. He found peace with his past. These were things he had never known in his previous life. He loved his brother but Sam was strong. He had survived this long without him. 

"You will never be entirely human again. You have a sliver of angelic grace that will never leave your soul. No matter how dark the path you may find yourself on, you will not succumb to it. As for me, I will always watch over you but it may be the extent of your lifetime before we meet again. For that I am sorry. I am not eager to part."

Dean understood. It had to end for the next chapter to begin. It was some small solace that his own life would be merely minutes to his great love. For Cas their separation would be fleeting. For Dean it could be fifty years of never finding that kind of love again.

"I don't want to leave you."

"I'm sorry." Cas gently kissed Dean for the last time as he pushed his soul back into his body, leaving the burned print of his hand on Dean's left shoulder. "I love you always," he whispered to the vanishing light.

***

He didn't understand. Dean no longer knew him. He feared him. He couldn't hear his true voice anymore. What had his Father done? He had sworn himself to Dean as his guardian and eternal companion. Had Dean been a seraph as himself they would be mated. He had a second to decide how to present himself to Dean. He chose his wings.

Cas thought he caught a glimmer of recognition in Dean's eyes. It was brief, but a start. He would make Dean remember how much he was loved. He would wait for his true mate to find his way back, no matter how long it would take.

***

It wasn't fair. Dean was going to leave him again but he was charged with the care of the younger Winchester. He couldn't just leave Sam behind to join Dean in the afterlife. 

"Cas? You got your ears on? I need you. I'm still here, angel." Dean's voice rang out in his head. Could it be? He was mid banishment when he focused all his energy on reconnecting with his tiny bit of grace. He landed just feet from a very much alive Dean Winchester. He rushed forward, nearly knocking the hunter over, and gripped him in a crushing embrace.

"Dean," he groaned into his shoulder. He didn't fight back the wave of human emotions that rose from his twisted gut and fell from his eyes. "Don't ever leave me again. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep losing you." He gave in to the overwhelming impulse to surge forward and capture Dean's lips with his own. Eight earthly years of tension and frustration poured out of him and into that kiss.

And Dean kissed him back. The blueish light of their union burst into an electric field around them as every blocked synapse in Dean's brain fired again. Memories long sealed flooded him. Cas' broken wings spread behind him and crackled with restored grace as they entered the plane. The full ebony wings encircled them as they had in their private Eden.

"I remember, Cas. I remember what we have. I love you." Dean continued kissing his beautiful angel, oblivious to anything else but recapturing the moment he last knew Castiel's touch. Wings tucked back in a flutter to reveal their frightened audience. "Shit, Cas, this is my mom, Mary. Mom, this is my husband, Castiel. He's an angel."


End file.
